Today has been a very down day. One of the worst I've had in the past 357 days..

Nothing in particular has happened to cause it (other than the accursed anniversary coming up so quickly). All I've wanted to do today is lie on the couch and cry. My house is a mess and my in-laws are coming to visit this weekend but I have no initiative to get up and clean it.

I've just been feeling a huge weight of hopelessness the last few days. I can't take much more.

Today I want to talk about the very first time you meet your child-to-be.

First of all, congratulations to Joe and Dawn as they met their little boy, Stephen, for the first time!

Dawn wrote, "He seems so tiny compared to the pictures we have seen."

I think nearly every adoptive parent has this revelation. Seeing them in pictures and actually holding them in real life is so different! Don't be surprised when they are so much smaller than you'd imagined - expect it! Then, too, they will most likely be dressed in layers and layers and layers of clothes - so just wait till you unpeel them from all those layers and see what's really going on under there! A great way to discreetly "check them out" is to bring some clothes to try on them in order to gauge their size. Bring a pair or two of shoes in different sizes as well, then leave them for the baby home to use for the children.

There has been a discussion on FRUA chat lately about the first meeting and some things to bring to break the ice with the child. Many people have brought Cheerios or Gerber fruit puffs. I brought fruit puffs on our first visit with V, however we've never been allowed to feed the children any outside food in the orphanage (not with D's adoption or V's). But it doesn't hurt to take them just in case, it doesn't hurt to ask. Feeding the child is a terrific way to initiate bonding and trust. We have been allowed to feed both girls during our first trips, but it has always been food provided by the baby home. I'm absolutely positive that the experience of being fed by their Mama and Papa to-be is MUCH different than the way they are usually fed - much slower!

The toys that you bring should be of many different textures and sensory stimulators. You may think that keys and rattles and teething rings would be too "young" for a toddler, but these children have probably not been exposed to many toys and you'll be surprised that some of these more babyish toys are some of their favorites. They may be scared of toys that make music or any other electronic sounds. But then again, some are absolutely enthralled - so bring one or two. Try many different things. Stacking cups are super, I think all babies and toddlers will love them. A small inflatable ball is a great idea and very easy to pack. In order to help V remember us, we took these toys all in a really bright backpack (it is an old NickJr backpack with the Face character). It is very visually stimulating. Even though it had been a long time in between trips, I really think V remembered that backpack.

Take as many pictures as you possibly can. Video is great too, but pictures are more readily looked at once you are home and waiting for the second trip. We just turned on the video camera and set it up in a corner of the small room we were playing in and just left it there during our visits. So we have some weird shots in there, but most are great and we didn't have to worry about it.

Take a blanket to spread on the floor to play on. D likes to look back at the pictures of us playing with her in the baby home and see her familiar blankets in that setting and now at home too. It's good anyhow to have that clean surface to sit around while you're playing.

V was very interested in the little book we took. It is a vinyl One Fish, Two fish book that is really meant to be played with in the bathtub. She loved looking at the pictures, turning pages and pointing to the pictures. These are all developmental marker "tests" as well as fun for the child.

Bring a flexible measuring tape that is at least 36 inches (or longer than the child you are adopting). It is good to take some measurements for yourself. Measure the head circumferance and the child's length.

TAKE A DISPOSABLE CAMERA to leave between trips. I could kick myself a bazillion times for forgetting this on our first trip! I missed 7 months of V's life. I took a camera in October when we visited and had the instructions translated into Russian and taped to the camera. I hope that there are many pictures on there when we return.

It is one of the most wonderful moments of your life when you first meet that child. You can never be fully prepared for the feelings and events that will happen on that day, but it is good to be as prepared as possible.

**Please feel free to add any other first meeting suggestions in the comments section.

There has been quite a lot of talk lately in blog-land about the issue of Potty Training.

Here is a Potty Training Readiness Quiz.

Oh how I remember the stress of potty training. But you know what, when they're ready - they'll do it. If they're not - they won't.

Our biggest frustrations so far have been in eating issues and potty training. D has never been much of an eater. I honestly don't know how she stays alive. Her pediatrician is not worried, though, because she steadily and consistantly moves up the before mentioned growth chart. She just naturally has a small apetite and is bound to be tall and thin - something her Mommy will never be! At 6.3 years she is at the 75% in height and 25% in weight.

I think that with V I'm going to be more laid back about potty training - at least that's what I'm telling myself. She won't go to Kindergarten in diapers, I'm sure. And if she does, it won't last long because the other kids will tease her and she'll get her act together and potty train!

Here is a wonderful website for growth charts and general health and development of Internationally Adopted children. It contains growth charts for Preemie children, Russian children, Chinese children, Vietnamese children and of course the regular CDC American growth charts.

From my quick look-see, the Russian and CDC are not that different, but the CDC is much easier to read (it's in English of course - hee hee).

Of course I blog-lifted this information from Russia Adoption Blog, I told you it was an awesome blog. But I was afraid you may not have read it and I wanted to be sure and get this info out there. I'm excited to find it!

Blogging Basics 101 is an answer to my prayers! I am very computer illiterate - Oh but were we all Elles!! Now I can learn all sorts of neat things. My first lesson is going to figuring out how to do those little strike through thingies - like when you cross off a to-do list! I'm so excited.

No time to play with it right now, but I'll figure it out and you'll be so impressed with my crossing out abilities!

You may have seen these little buttons (at right) all over the mommy-blog-world, but just in case you've missed it I wanted to let you know....Five Minutes For Mom is hosting a blog party over at their place, from March 2-9. If you play along, you're eligible for some fantastic prizes. You can find details here.

Everyone is invited, regardless of the theme of your blog, religion, race and all that other stuff. Everyone come to the party it will be lots of fun!

Thanks to Rocks In My Dryer for inviting me!

Tonya over at Kissack Chronicles posted this brilliant advice!

She's one smart Mama!

Here is a neat website I've stumbled upon. It has matryoshka coloring pages and online games.

Oh how I wish I would have had blogs to read when we were researching adoption in 2000! There was very little info out there at that time. I am so thankful for the blogs and blog-friends I have met during this second adoption.

BUT! If I you are in your first stages of researching Russian adoption and can only read one blog I say go read this one first! I've only recently found it and have thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It is well written and very informative. After you've read that one - come back over and visit, ...that is if you only have time to read one blog! Otherwise, dive into the many I've got listed over there in the side bar :o)

Yes, we have the Peter Pan peanut butter with the lucky number 2111 on the lid. I've already thrown it out and put my handy dandy lid in the mail to Con-Agra for my little $3-something refund. It was nearly brand new, so far no salmonella from those few scoops we ate.

If you haven't heard about the peanut butter recall see this link for the full story.

No, I didn't have the chicken pox ... but the flu-ey stuff got me.

I've just had ZERO energy. You know if I haven't been online reading my blog friends I've been SICK!

Melissa, I did have the chicken pox for the first time when I was 25 and it was terrible!! I thought I was going to die! I think I've had a bad enough case to give me immunities for a lifetime.

I still run out of energy very easily and still not feeling 100% but I'm getting there.

Sniff, sniff.

Journal Entry-
Thursday, February 9, 2006:

D and I took a nap from 2-4. D came in and was cuddling with me before we got up and around because hubby had a plan that we would leave at 5 to go out to eat and do our grocery shopping together. [he had been out of town at a conference the whole week before]

At 4:23 the phone rang! It was our case-manager from the agency! It was THE CALL!!!

He had a referral for us - her name is V _ _ _ _ _ _ _. She is 12 months old right now, her birthday is January 18, 2005. Her hair is brown and she seems to have dark blue eyes. She weighs 15.2 pounds. She knows how to crawl, sit up, baby talk, plays with toys, knows her name and can walk by holding on to "the barrier."

We got a few (poor quality) pictures by e-mail. She is cute and looks like she may have a good little personality by the funny faces she is making in some of them.

We only have a small paragraph of medical information, but nothing within it rings any bells of alarm for us. We will send the information to a doctor who specializes in International Adoption referrals for her opinion. Unless she just sees something that we don't, we feel quite positive that this is our daughter.

When Mr. P very first began to speak her name, I knew he was going to say V _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Over the past months I've looked at the 8 baby girls registered in our region on the Russian Data-bank website and although there is a baby on there named Inna that looks exactly like D as a baby and even has the same last initial (????) I have been drawn to V over and over all these months. So I had no doubt that the following syllables out of his mouth would speak her name.

Needless to say, the shopping trip and going out to eat has been scrapped!

edited to add:
I know that looking at the data-bank site and falling in love with one particular baby is NOT a good idea. We would have been pleased and happy to be given a referral for nearly every one of those babies. However, there was just something about V and I was not surprised in the least when he spoke her name. Of course she was the only baby out of the 8 who's name began with V - but then the website could not have been maintained and there may have been other V named children who I'd never seen. But it was her!

another edit to include:
We DID have the MOE check the data-bank to make sure there were no birth siblings (of any age) of D's in the system. So, this Inna was not her birth sibling.

Yes, you read it right. Now D has the Flu on top of the pox. Actually she's just about past the pox, just a few dots left.

Yesterday I really thought she'd be back to school today. Her fever was gone - down to normal. But then last night at her bath time I noticed her eyes weren't looking right - are you able to tell your kids are getting sick by their eyes? I've always predicted by that with D

Then she just seemed to go downhill right before my very eyes. She woke with 102.9 fever again this morning. She just lay on the couch all day, sleeping off and on and then a long nap from 1-3 at which time I had to dress her to go to the doctor (which is an hour away). They worked us in and she just lay in the doctor's office on my lap - very unusual for her. She's usually looking at all the medical posters and deciphering what all the bones and muscles mean. She's a sick baby.

So, we had to go to Super WalMart to get the prescriptions filled because by the time we were through at the doctor all the pharmacies in our small town were closed (by 5:30).

It took them 30 minutes to fill the prescriptions and she just lay in the back of the buggy - I let her take her blankie in and we softened it a bit with blankie. Good thing WalMart has big carts for my Lucy Longlegs!

She got Tamiflu and Omnicef. Along with Triaminic and Motrin. She's drugged up, let me tell you. *I just hope it all stays in!

Hubby had the flu shot - I didn't. So I am praying big time that I don't get it. It will probably take a miracle for me not to though.

* edited at 9:42 - Nope it all came out! Bed's changed and waiting till 11:30 for the next round of medicine dispensing. It looks like it's going to be a long night.

This adoption thing.

I don't talk much about the process. I don't mention my agency by name. If you are clever you can figure out who our agency is because a few of our other blog friends use the same agency and I'm not as secretive when I comment on their blogs. I do this for a bit more anonymity so that nothing may interfere with our adoption. We certainly don't need anything else hindering this thing!

But, since I don't talk about the agency much, you may not know how feel about the job they're doing for us. I've been giving this post alot of thought for quite some time.

When we very first decided to adopt again, it was December of 2004. We knew the agency fees were about to raise a bit in January of 2005 so in order to "lock in" the 2004 rate we submitted the very first part of our application. Yes - I said 2004! For THIS adoption!

But, we weren't really ready financially to begin the process until April of 2005. We got the ball rolling and in faith that the agency would be re-accredited (in THAT year's accreditation nightmare) we prepared and sent in the paperwork. We officially began the process on May 12, 2005. Five days later Accreditation was received. We were with an accredited agency.

Our agency has a tremendous reputation for their work with Orphanages worldwide. It is a Christian based agency and that is something that is important for us. It is a small-ish agency. The staff here and in Russia is top notch. They totally hold our hands and take care of nearly everything for us. We just go when they say go.

This is the same agency we used to adopt D and we have a family-like relationship with them.

Jess says that Hubby and I bleed B*_*_*_ Blue (the agency's trademark logo color). I don't take offense to that at all.

Although this process is hard, very hard and there have been a couple of times we got irritated at something or other with the agency that we didn't feel pleased about, over the 7 years we've been dealing with this agency that's not a bad relationship record. We know that they truly care about us, our children and getting them home.

Russian adoption is just hard. It's a big leap of faith. All adoption is a leap of faith - whether domestic agency, domestic private, domestic CPS, International from any country.

We've been asked why we don't switch agencies to get this adoption finished? Well, don't think it hasn't crossed our minds. We LOVE our agency, but we want our daughter home more. However, there are NO OTHER accredited American agencies working in this region. We are in a very tough region. The judge or prosecutor (we're not sure which) decided that even though we'd made our first trip before accreditation lapsed, they would not allow us to complete without accreditation.

Would I reccommend our agency to others entering the adoption process?? Absolutely, I do. But you say, they're not accredited! Well, most are not anymore and the ones who are will lapse soon too. I have no doubt that when Russia gets around to accrediting the agencies ours will be accredited. Then, as I understand, it won't lapse again for 5 years! That is wonderful news for the families coming after us.

If I were speaking to someone today who is just deciding to start the process, I would say wait a few more months. You can start educating yourself, choosing an agency based on your family's needs and their reputation with past and current clients, gathering paperwork, getting your home ready, learn all you can about Russian adoption. But wait just a few more months before officially starting the process. But if you feel God is calling you to get started right now - GO. Like I said it is all a huge leap of faith. Look before you leap, but then there comes a time when you just take a deep breath and jump!

Wouldn't you know it - D finally gets an Easy Bake Oven (she's been wanting one since 3!) and now it is getting recalled.

Ok, so I was 33 when D was born and now she's 6. So if you do the math, you'll find that I'm about 10 years older than most of the people represented by the blogs over in that side bar.

One problem that I've noticed (many times over, not just today) that is a direct result of being an "older" parent is this - when your chicken poxed child finally gives up and lets her 6-year-old self take a nap, your stupid OLD knees and hips will wake her up when you go in to check on her with all their pops and cracks! I think she has super joint popping hearing!

Bring on the Geritol....do they even still make Geritol??

If you guessed V, that would be a big "we still don't know".

D has them!

She started last Friday with waking up with a fever of 102* so I kept her home. The fever got worse on Saturday, up to 104.3*. I called the doctor and the nurse called back to say it sounded like strep. I was just to keep treating the fever and cold symptoms and if she still had fever on Monday to come in.

Well, I had noticed a few little bumps on her in patches of 1-3 here and there over her body but I didn't think much of it. But then a little larger patch appeared on the backs of her legs right above the bend of her knee and it looked "kind of" like Chicken Pox. She had the vaccination at 15 months old. But the bumps would just gradually fade away instead of rupturing and crusting over as usual Chicken Pox do.

Well, the doctor did a strep test yesterday and said it was negative, but she has been seeing several cases of this atypical Chicken Pox after kids have had the vaccine. They're just now learning that kids need a booster around age 4.

Even though D's case is very mild - not even itchy - she is just as contagious as if she were covered in them. So, she's still home and we're both getting cabin fever. I HOPE she gets to go back to school tomorrow. It's so hard to keep her busy because she really doesn't feel awful or anything.

It's been beautiful outside yesterday and today, even supposed to get into the 70's today! She is wanting to play outside, but with the cold symptoms I'm keeping her in.

Isn't that crazy that V's group is having them and D contracts them too! Sisters sharing germs half a world apart!

I know there is no way we'll hear any good news for months to come - but for some reason I'm antsy for Monday to get here.

I hope that this week we'll hear that some agency has received their re-accreditation. At least it will be hopeful to know that the process is working. It would help to let us know that it "may not" take the whole 90 days.

I soooo pray that it won't take the full 90 days! I know that we'll need to completely re-do our dossier before we can even hope to get a court date, but it's just a wait and see thing before we start working on it. We don't want things expiring (we've already done 4 medicals since they expire every 3 months).

In the next week or so we are sending off another I-600A Petition to Adopt a Foreign Orphan because the 18 months is expiring on our original approval in early April and it will take approximately 2 months to receive this second approval. Yes, we'll have to pay the $545 again - ugh. At least we had our fingerprints re-done in October so, those will be acceptable and we won't have to do the $70 for those again. It's crazy that fingerprints expire after 15 months, but I-171H (the approval form for the I-600A application) expires after 18 months. It would be better for them both to expire at the same time, I would think.

Gosh, I'm just ready to do something again. At least when we have paperwork, I'm doing something toward bringing V home.

I found a website with recipes for the Easy Bake Oven! Those little packets are OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive!

Add to that huge price gauging, the package recipe for the Fudge-stripes Shortbread D and I just baked said to bake them for 11 minutes and they're burned to a crisp - errrrghhh ;O/

She got the oven for Christmas and it's the newer model that doesn't use a lightbulb anymore.

Easy Bake owning moms and dads - Unite!

Suz

*Whine alert*

See my archives over there in the right side-bar? You have to scroll a good ways down to find it...got it? It has eleven months worth of archived posts.

I started this blog in April when we had been back from trip one for 7 weeks.

I would have never DREAMED that we would still be waiting nearly 11 months later. Yes, we'll definitely have over a year's wait between trips. Unbelievable, completely and totally unbelievable!

If anyone would have told me that I would be able to endure such a wait, I would have said "Liar, Liar, pants on fire!" But, here I sit - enduring.

How? Only by the grace of God.

Why? Only God knows.

Please pray those accreditation papers through! Pray that the people inspecting them will find them perfect and will not request any corrections or additions. Please pray that it does not take the full 90 days to hear those magical words - You're Accredited!

When I turned the page on my calendar this morning, this is what I read: