Well, I've heard it said, "No news is good news." Lately for us, though, our friends have been saying, "No news must be bad news." But today the word was just, "No news is no news."

After a good cry followed by a pounding headache, I picked myself up and dusted myself off and went back to life as we know it.

For now, I have put away any adoption related reading material and will go to the library tomorrow and check something out that has nothing to do with child-rearing, Russia or adoption. Of course, I have spent a good amount of time this evening reading the good news so many China Adopters received in the last couple of days (see Salsa in China blog at right). Does that count?

We are planning a little get-away for a couple of days. Hubby's day off is Friday (since he works all day on Sunday) so after he gets home tomorrow night, we're going to drive just a ways and stay in a hotel, swim, eat "fun food", take D bowling and just "get away." We'll come back home Saturday afternoon and get everything ready for Sunday.

That's all for now.

111 days. That is how long it has been since I last held baby V.

I've been giving lots of thought to how the wait has effected us (me especially). It is not all negative, I must confess.

When we returned home from trip one, I was still deep in the phase of being more than a little scared about becoming a mother of two. Lots of what ifs. You see, we received V's referral (with very, very little information) pretty quickly after our dossier was submitted and then, after accepting the referral, we left for Russia within 15 days. It was quite a whirlwind.

When we met V, we were only able to spend about 6-7 hours with her over the course of 3 days. Truly, though, how can you help but fall in love with such a precious one, even within the few hours we had with her. The moment they handed her to us, she was our child. In our hearts, I became her Mama and hubby became her Papa. Just like that. But then we left her. Then we were back on the train bound for Moscow.

Then the what ifs and fears of becoming a Mommy of two settled back in. In so many ways I was afraid of taking the next step. This has been a process that I am only now seeing.

We came home and I put her pictures in frames all around the house. She is on the refrigerator in the kitchen, on the bulletin board in D's room, and in frames all over her nursery. However, in being so fearful of something happening that we might not get to bring her home, we had only watched the video we took of her one time - I'm ashamed to admit it. I was afraid to watch it. When I watch the video - she is more real.

But, the days turned into weeks and the weeks have turned into months and I long for her more and more. She is my daughter. I then noticed that I hadn't put out any pictures of her with us. Just little pictures of her alone. Not a part of the family. So over the last few weeks I have set out pictures of her with me, and with papa, and with D. I got out the video last week and watched it again for the first time in over two months. This time I could see so much more. I saw how over the course of the three days she became more familiar with us. I see where she was doing so well in all the developmental areas that we "tested".

Fear had kept me from fully giving my heart to her. But over this long time of wait, the fear has given way to longing and love. Love is a risk, and you have to give your heart without holding any part of it back.

Tune in to NBC this coming Sunday night, June 25. DateLine NBC will be airing a positive adoption story about a family who adopted 3 sets of biological twins in Pskov Russia. It is set to air at 7 eastern time/6 central time.

After watching the show, please go to Dateline NBC's website http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/ and rate the show on a scale from 1-5 (hopefully positively). It will help more shows be made and news to be shared concerning the positive side of adoption.

As I have been reading The Out of Sync Child I have become more aware of what things are Sensory Processed. So I've been extra observant of D lately. She daily amazes me at how smart she is. I am so thankful that she has escaped having to deal with Sensory Processing Disorder. She overcame several developmental obstacles in her first several months home, but she has just blossomed into such a bright child.

Here are two of her latest observations and both were sensory related:

(1) Hubby removed the Glade plug-in out of the bedroom hallway night before last. It was empty of its scented oil and I was afraid it would catch on fire. After he took it down, he just laid it on the bathroom counter. Yesterday D came to me at the computer and I could "smell" that she had been playing with the Glade plug-in. I said, "you found the smelly nightlight, didn't you?" She said proudly, "Yes, smell my fingers, they smell like Christmas!" That is her Olfactory sense, not only did she smell that there was a smell, she linked to it a non-everyday event.

(2) As I was checking my latest post on the blog, she said of the yellow background with the swirly blue things, "That looks like the bed at the hotel (Courtyard Marriott) where we stayed on our girl weekend." That was in February. She used her visual sense.

I don't know if I really feel better about the situation today, but I'm not as disturbed as I was yesterday morning. God has brought us this far and I know He'll complete this part of His plan in His way no matter what I do or how much I fret.

Boy though, did I do the housecleaning yesterday! I wasn't Martha Stewart about it, more like Taz on Looney Toons. I did 4 loads of laundry-washed, dried, folded and PUT AWAY! I cleaned my kitchen to a spit shine, even moved out the refrigerator and cleaned the sides. Dusted two of the five blades on my bedroom ceiling fan (remember I was spinning around the house like Taz). I ironed lots of clothes in the laundry room (without dropping the iron on my foot again). I did most of this without giving it any thought. I was just working out my frustrations and thinking a mile a minute while I was doing it.

Then it came time to go to bed last night. I went to bed and lay there for nearly 30 minutes and finally fell asleep. Then at 1 a.m. I was wide awake again trying to figure out everything from flights to Russia to whether or not we'll still be in Russia when D has to start her first day of Kindergarten and how that will work out! I finally got up and went in V's room and lay in her twin bed and looked at the photo album and cried. Then I opened the closet and looked at all her little clothes that she is probably growing out of and cried some more. I went back and got in my bed and finally fell back asleep around 4 a.m.

Now I need to make two beds this morning, mine and V's twin. The kitchen is still sparkling, but there's more laundry to do. I guess I'd better get after it.

Till later . . .

Yesterday baby V turned 17 months old. She was 12 months when we first learned about her, and 13 months when we met her.

We are into our 15th week home, awaiting news of our courtdate. I know others have had it harder, but when it's you it's really hard.

I'm ready to pack my bags and go to her. I'm about ready to start swimming. Maybe Fed-ex has a really big box.

Not the good news Monday I had hoped for.

till later . . .

The phone rang this morning at 8:30 and it was our casemanager. Our region rep tried to submit our paperwork late last weekbut there has been another snag, hopefully by the end of the week we can know for sure what we need to do.

Keep praying!

Everything is up in the air right now. It's going to be a long week!

till later...

Yes, D is still in the throes of the tummy trouble. When she woke up bright (well actually it was still dark) and early we thought maybe she would be able to go to church. But right after hubby left (he has to be there at 7:30 to prepare for the early service) she was throwing up. Poor D & Daddy, not fun for Father's day.

D is sad because the children are going to sing in "big church" this morning, one of the songs they learned in VBS. It is D's favorite one out of all of them and she's going to miss it.

So, we're home this rainy, stormy, Father's Day morning. I hope this thing is just a short 24 hour kind of thing. It's eerily quiet around here with D just laying in her bed watching Pooh and Piglet on her little TV.

I guess I could do some laundry....hmmm.

Ok, off to go check on D again. Happy Father's Day to all of you Dads and Dads-in-waiting!

Till later...

Well, D has a tummy virus. No fun. She hardly ever gets sick and is so predictable, that when she fell asleep this afternoon watching a video in her room, I knew something was up. She never falls asleep watching TV. It has to be quiet and still for her to fall asleep. So, I woke her up at 6:15 to put her in the bath while I got her supper ready. Hubby came into the kitchen and said, "We need to trade places because D is crying in the tub because she needs to go potty." Well, she didn't quite make it and after she pottied on the potty, she got a whole other bath. Then when she started eating she began to gag. She drank a little apple juice and ate about 2 bites and she was done. I gave her some Pepto chewables and she was ready for bed again at 7:50. She fell fast asleep. I put big beach towels on either side of her bed "just in case" she wakes up throwing up in the night. So, we'll see what the night holds for us.

In Literary news, I am currently reading (or should I say sludging through) The Out Of Sync Child. It is a hard book to read. Not scary hard, but I feel like I'm studying for the final exam to become a child psychologist or something. My frazzled brain can hardly take it! But, like I said, I'm pushing through with it. Actually I've heard most of this in our agency's pre-adoptive education. So it's not really new, just way more in-depth. What I'm seeing, too, is that all of us have some of this stuff going on within us. I guess it's just if you have a multitude of the symptoms and it interferes with your daily life, then you need Occupational Therapy. D has a few of the idiosyncrasies, but so do I and so does Hubby. It all comes down to education and knowing what to watch for.

About two weeks after we returned home from Russia with D we had Early Childhood Intervention come out. It was really a good thing for us. At 11 months old, she was at about the 9 month level developmentally. They taught us how to help her on a day to day basis and within 2 months she was completely on track and even ahead in some areas. However, if she had needed other therapies such as physical, speech or occupational, they would have pointed us toward the help she needed.

So, that's my Saturday. I guess I'd better head to bed soon in case I'm awakened in the wee hours of the morning.

Till later . . .

I've been trying to think of something to write, knowing that I need to keep my pretty new blog fresh and exciting. However, there is nothing new in the adoption scene. My brain is so tired, I can't even come up with anything to add to the recent discussions about the rigors of Russian adoption.

Vacation Bible School concluded today. It was a good week but soooo exhausting. I am just not good with other people's children. I am in utter shock at the behavior of some children and total lack of respect for adults. When Johnny throws a tantrum (we say "fit" in the South) because he wanted to play the triangle with the orange ball handle instead of the one with the red ball handle (we only have two triangles) and won't accept any alternative, I am not the one who continues on and on and on trying to please Johnny. I just can't do it. I am so thankful for my precious D and her sweet spirit. Now, God please prepare me for V if she is going to be way different! Oh, is that what Vacation Bible School was supposed to do for me?

Well, my un-before-mentioned new goal date passed. I had hoped either June 15 or 16 (I was more flexible this time!) Even at 4:48 this afternoon I was still thinking, "there's still 12 minutes before the agency closes!!!! They could still call, they could!" I got an e-mail from another family who traveled the same week as we did, only to St. Pete, that they got their court date this morning. Hopefully soon, hopefully soon for us.

Today at VBS, one of the moms was helping in the snack department and had her little girl with her. I hadn't seen the little girl in a few months and in that time she has changed from a baby to a little girl. I asked her, "how old is Cora now?" Sixteen and half months. Just two weeks younger than V. I was just staring at her feet and nearly started to cry. I told the mom, " I don't know what size shoe V wears." Cora was wearing a 5! I think that's big. There are two other little girls in our church just right at V's age. One was born 2 days before V and the other two weeks later. I find myself just staring at any child vaguely V's age and begin asking the mom a multitude of questions, including the shoe size thing. I think on clothing I can be a bit more flexible, but shoes are pretty exact, especially when they're just starting to walk.

Ok, I've rambled enough. Maybe after a good nights rest and no more rude children to zap my brain tomorrow I can come up with something a little meatier. Don't hold you breath though.

We've completed day two of Vacation Bible School. I am helping in the Pre-school department and they are doing the Fiesta Theme. It's been fun, but VBS week always wipes me out! D is having a blast of course.

My college roommate, who lives in Arkansas, was in town last night and stayed overnight. We had several hours to visit, but it's never enough time. It is so hard to keep closely connected to old friends once we marry and start having kids. Of course she got started with her family 7 years earlier than I did, so she's got one going into Jr. High while I'm still waiting on my baby. It's funny, though, how even after so many years of "not so close" contact, we can always just fall right back into that easy relationship. Those are the real, true friends.

I'm antsy this week, knowing that our paperwork is being submitted one day this week to the judge/court to plea for our courtdate. People across the country are praying for V with an extra measure this week. We are beyond ready to bring her home.

I try not to be pesky with our agency and casemanager. At this point, we are just hoping and grasping for any little piece of information that points toward our court date.

I don't have a whole lot to report but just wanted to come look at my pretty blog again :o)

Till later . . .

I'm so excited! Thanks so much to Elle for creating my new beautiful blog home! I'm still working out the side-bar but I'm getting there. I'm just really excited that I got this far, thanks to Elle's great instructions.

Hope you all love it as much as I do!

till later . . .

I just wanted to give an update on my foot versus iron injury. It's doing much better. I wore high heeled sandals to church this morning. Of course I was ready to get them off as soon as we got home, but it wasn't bad at all. So, no broken bones there. I really wondered for a day or so. But it quickly began to heal. Just a bad bruise.

I'm off to take my Sunday afternoon nap. Vacation Bible School starts tomorrow so it's gonna be a busy week ahead.

Till later . . .

Today I am feeling a bit more upbeat.

First of all I tracked that latest Fed-Ex package and it was received yesterday(Friday) morning our time, evening Moscow time!! I even saw signature proof of our Russian coordinator! That is awesome. When I went to bed Thursday night it said it was in Moscow "awaiting clearance". We've seen packages sit and "await clearance" in Moscow in the past for nearly a week! So just having to wait hours is miraculous!!! Three days total from Dallas to Moscow, signed sealed and delivered by Fed-Ex is good in my book.

D finished her swimming lessons yesterday and got her little Red-Cross approved certificate for completing Level 1. She got all her boxes checked on the Exit Skills Assessment although not all the kids in her class did, so I am very proud of her. We still have to work on back floating and getting that lead out of her hiney-bo that tends to sink straight to the bottom of the pool when she tries to back float. She learned the American Crawl, the Elementary Crawl and some other stroke the teacher called "frog legs" but I don't know its official name. She likes "frog legs" the best because it makes her go the fastest.

I'm also very excited and feel quite special that Elle is designing a new blog-house for me!! Very soon my plain blogger.com issued pink template will be gone and my very cute Russian Adoption Dva themed blog will take its place!! I can't wait until it is unveiled!!

I went and sat in V's room this afternoon for about 30 minutes just rocking in the glider and thinking about her and praying her home! Hubby was taking a little nap and D was lying in her bed watching a Land Before Time movie. I haven't allowed myself too much time in there for the last several weeks. But I am feeling like it may be soon. I sure hope so! I was thinking of all the things still left to do, but we've been putting it off till we heard more about court.

So, this Saturday has been nice and we've just spent alot of family time today and dreaming toward the future.

Till later . . .

I'm hobbling. Ok, this is what happened. Remember I was on here blogging this morning and we had 40 minutes to get D to her first day of swimming lessons? Well, all my pants were very wrinkly, so I grabbed a pair and headed to the laundry room to iron them VERY quickly. We have a ironing board/iron hanger contraption hanging about 6 feet up on the wall of the laundry room. I grabbed the board down to set it up and when I did it took hold of the iron and pulled it down - right on top of my right foot! It was the big, wide, sharp part of the iron that whacked my foot. It hurt SOOOOO bad, but all I could keep saying was "oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy" I never say Oh Boy! Where did that come from? I was kind of in shock and thinking, "OK, I've broken my foot and D has to be at the pool in 5 minutes!!" Luckily we only live about 3 blocks from the pool. I hopped to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of frozen blueberries and put them on it for a few seconds. Then I grabbed a knit capri set out of the dryer and it was not quite dry, but we had to get going! Surprisingly, my foot really didn't hurt too badly.

We got home from swimming lessons and all of a sudden a HUGE thunderstorm came rolling in. It was a flash flood, out of nowhere. It lasted about three hours, and in the last hour our electricity went off. I needed to go to the library and grocery store, but my car was stuck in the garage with no electricity to open the door. Finally around 3 p.m. the electricity came back on and we headed to run our errands. After walking around the library and into the grocery store my foot really started hurting and every step I took it would crack. So after the errands I came back and put my foot up on the recliner with a big pillow under it. It looks like I'd better call the doctor in the morning to see if it really is broken.

NOW WATCH! They'll call with our court date!

Till later . . .

There hasn't been much news on the adoption front. I got a call last Thursday from our Casemanager and he was very encouraging to us that" yes, it will happen eventually", but he didn't have any news to share - just checking in.

We stayed really busy last week with our nephews and the time just flew! They usually get to stay at least a couple of weeks each summer, but as they get older, they have school things and work etc. that keeps them busier at home. They'll get to come back later in the summer for a week or two. Hopefully V will be home by then so they can get to know her!

D had her ballet recital yesterday, she did so great! I was so proud of her! She is in the next to youngest class and they were so sweet! They danced to the music of Barney :o). She got her "Year 2" trophy and is so proud of it!

D starts swimming lesson this week (we need to leave in 40 minutes). This is her second summer of lessons.

Next week is Vacation Bible School so we'll be super busy that week since hubby is the Pastor of Education at our church and is in charge of VBS.

So, yes, we're keeping busy which helps a bit!

When I talked to our Casemanager last week, I told him that I feel almost numb at this point. If it weren't for all the pictures of V I have around the house, it would almost not even feel real! We actually only spent about 7 hours total with her. So that wasn't nearly long enough to hold me!

I feel like wearing a sandwich board to church every Sunday "No, we haven't heard anything, but thanks for asking!" Of course if people didn't ask, I'd have my feelings hurt too!

Ok, off to apply the sunscreen to my porcelain skinned Russian beauty!

Till later . . .