It's getting harder and harder to just "wait." We are in our 19th week of this waiting for a court-date phase of V's adoption.

I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I've come up and down out of the water, gathering a breath and then going back under. Now, though, I'm at the point of just letting myself go under. I don't have any more fight in me. It's so hard, too hard.

If I had conceived a baby the day we met V, I would be at the point already that we could tell the gender of the baby in an ultrasound! I'd be in the fifth month of pregnancy. I'm just in one of those "it's not fair" places today.

It's just not fair and I'm running out tears.