Today has been filled with memories of that day five years ago when our country was changed.

Where were you?

Where was I?

I was just waking up and the alarm was set to radio. The first words I heard on the radio were, "If you are near a television, turn it on!" I didn't know what was happening, but I hurried to turn the TV on. The first plane had already crashed through the building but the second had not yet. It was so chaotic and completely unbelievable.

Hubby was driving the one hour drive to the Seminary where he was working on his Master's degree. Five years ago we didn't have a cell phone yet, isn't that weird? So, I had to wait till he arrived at the seminary and I called him. I just needed to talk to him.

It was so unreal that this was happening. Since this blog is mine, I'll tell you honestly, I was very proud of our President during this time of turmoil. I don't generally bring up politics here, and you don't have to agree with me, but I was glad that President Bush was there. I still am - but I digress.

We had just returned from our first trip to Russia to meet and apply to adopt D. She was 10 months old. We had only been home 12 days. We were just numb at the thought that we may not be able to return to get her and bring her home. I had great grief for those families who had lost their family members in the crashes at the Towers, the Pentagon and United Flight 93, the plane that crashed into the field in Pennsylvania. But my greatest grief was personal. Would we be able to return for D? If so, when!

As you'll remember, all air travel was suspended immediately. Our paperwork that had just been completed in order to bring forth the court date was stuck at Fed-Ex and could not be sent to Russia. A couple of days after these horrible terrorist attacks, our agency sent a letter which stated that no families would be traveling until further notice. I was ready to swim if it was necessary to bring my baby home!

Within the next week Fed-Ex was flying again and our paperwork was on its way. We had determined that we would fly if a court date was issued, one way or another! The next week another letter was sent to families saying that we could fly at our own risk, but must sign several documents stating that we understood the risks we were taking.

Amazingly, on October 1 we got the call to travel for our court date. Our families and friends were very worried and afraid for us. We just wanted our baby, I guess we were naive in a way. No fear and was going to stop me from getting on that plane, though. We left on October 7, 2001 to travel for our court date. Security was tighter, though not as tight as it is now. Once we made it through all the security check points, we still had an hour or so to wait before our flight was ready to board. We went to a small restaurant within DFW Airport and were eating some lunch when the President came on every channel to announce that the USA had just initiated bombing in Afghanastan. All I could think was, "let me board the plane, please don't cancel the flights!"

Of course we were able to board and return to bring D home. Our plane flew over New York City and from thousands of feet in the sky, we could look down and see the blue lazer lights that symbolized the twin towers. I think every passenger left his or her seat and went to the windows on the left side of the plane as we flew over.

In all these years I have felt a little guilty that my thoughts and feelings were so selfish during this time. As I watch the footage, it is so heartbreaking and I do have the grief for the losses of life and for our country. But it just had a different effect on me personally in that we were unsure if we would be able to bring our child home.

I'm thankful to God that D is now in our home and will celebrate five years home on October 18, 2006.