Russian Adoption DVA

Here I Am Again

Monday, August 14, 2006

I guess on a day like this, mothers who bear their children the "usual" way think back to the day their child was born. The birth experience, the first time ever they saw the face of their child.

For me, the moment my mind keeps returning to is of watching the caregiver dress D in readiness to leave the orphanage. I can still remember the weight of her in my arms as we walked down the stairs and out the door.

So, I wanted to share a bit of D's story on this her special day as a big- girl Kindergartener. I'll just share an excerpt from my journal (long before the days of blogging, at least for me!). This is a glimpse at the moment my mind keeps returning to today:

-The caregiver walks toward me and I walk toward her. I reach out to take my baby from her and D wails! She feels warm and has a rattley cough, she doesn't remember me of course. Five weeks is a long time for a baby after all. Oh she cries and cries, I cry too. I hand her to hubby and he carries her to the window and she quiets a bit. We see that a new tooth arrived while we were apart. She has grown quite a bit in length and weight. She is not as cuddly toward us as she was last time. We carry her into the side play room, but she is not interested. Hubby carries her to the window to look outside, she quiets down again. Our coordinator comes back into the room (we didn't even notice she had been gone). She says, "Ok guys, you can take her with you!" (we didn't expect to get to take her that day, so we didn't bring her leaving the orphanage clothes) Just like "that" we're taking her from the only home she has known for the first 11 months of her life. We go into an outer room/office and a caregiver brings in a pile of clothes. She dresses her in layers and layers and layers of clothing in preparation to go outside. The temperature is about 50*. After D is dressed, a couple of caregivers come out into the hall and tell her goodbye. They hold her and talk sweetly, but there are no hugs or kisses. It seems they are sad to lose her, but happy she is going to a family. Then we are off. As I am holding my "puffy" baby as we walk down the flights of stairs, I am again in the slow motion mode. I am thinking, "I want to remember this moment forever." It is really happening, they just handed me this baby and said, "ok, you can take her." Then we are outside. The wind surprises her. Has she ever felt the wind on her face? It is sprinkling a bit, so I try and shield her face (the only part of her body that is exposed), but she will have none of that! She wants to SEE! Her eyes dart back and forth, she is taking it all in.

That was THEN. . .

This is NOW . . .

Written at 12:31 PM by Suz.

14 comments

14 Comments:

Deb said...

I'm all teary eyed. She is so cute in that dress. And the story of they day you received her is touching.
Hold on! You'll make it (I hope).

1:57 PM

Suzanne said...

what a lovely story. Thank you so much for sharing it.

5:51 PM

Julie said...

I loved reading this story!! You write so well, really capturing the moment. She looks so sweet in her dress...what a special day.

5:54 PM

Maggie said...

She looks so sweet. She's grown sooo much since you first met her. But it sounds like her God-given personality is the same... back then she faced the wind and the sprinkling rain bravely just like faced school today.

You have a wonderful little girl there!

9:16 PM

6blessings said...

She looks beautiful in both pictures. What a blessing.

9:46 PM

Chris Sapp said...

Awww! She looks absolutely adorable...and I love the shiny red apple - I'm a teacher :-) I have one week left before I start teaching again, and I'll be feeling "lost" as you wrote leaving my babies.

9:56 PM

sandy said...

Your daughter is so beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story again of how you got to take her home.

2:24 AM

Deb said...

So how did D like her first day of school?

9:16 AM

Elle said...

What a beautiful story. It makes me think about what it will feel like when we get to take Pickle out of the orphanage. I want to let him walk out on his own 2 feet. He tried when we were there, but mama had to say nyet. I was ready to grab him and go.

10:40 AM

Lauren said...

Beautiful story. It makes me want to cry with you. And I will be doing that on the 1st day of pre-school in a few weeks.

They grow so quickly...

8:33 AM

Colleen said...

Wow! What a difference 4 years make and they know they have flown by for you. She looks so sweet in her first day of kindergarten dress. It's hard to let them go and not be there to protect them.

11:22 AM

Jennefer said...

She has grown in to such a beautiful big girl! What a great story. Thanks for sharing.

11:20 AM

bethee said...

Wonderful story, thank you so much for sharing!!!! :)

5:31 PM

kate said...

I loved this post! Thanks for taking the time to share your then and now stories and photos.

7:43 AM