Great list. I'm going to hold onto this.

thanks for this list. Olivia will give us hugs, but when I carry her down the stairs or around, she will just usually pinch my neck or touch my shirt or hair and turn and face forward like you said D did. I guess she needs to learn.

I agree that people need to be educated and prepared. That is critical and it seems it does not always happen. We have been very blessed. We have never seen any signs of attachment issues with either of our boys, praise God.

thanks for posting this!

Thank you for adding that sometimes love is NOT enough. That is a crucial thing to remember. Education is great, adoptive parents should get as much as they can, but in some ways, I think it sets us up for large amounts of the shame you spoke of. When we read about all these techniques, interventions, and strategies, we start to feel that we can take anything on, we alone can heal this child, it's up to US. When that doesn't happen (or doesn't happen as soon as it did for so-and-so), the logical thing to conclude is: "I must be doing something wrong." "I am a failure." That is a huge weight of shame to be carrying around your neck. The truth is that these children have been hurt, they have been damaged, they have been wounded. It doesn't matter how "great" the orphanage was, or how wonderful the caregivers are. Children belong in families. When they aren't in a family their hearts shrivel up. Some children bounce back and blossom with little or no trouble. But some don't. That is not said often enough in the adoption world. SOME DON'T.
My baby is blossoming, slowly, slowly, slowly. But some days it is a Herculean effort.

Thanks for posting this list!! Great resource.

For us - I notice the eye contact thing as the biggest obstacle to overcome. I don't really see any of the other things- except sometimes she stares off into space and looks quite sad- like in a trance or something.

Great reminders of what to watch for. Even in older children, similar behaviors could apply. Although I like to think we are not going blind - I am sure I will be blindsided at least a few times with attachment related behaviors.

Just catching up. I think it was so great of you to send the SOS that letter. I'm sure they will be so appreciative. The Embassy change is interesting. I'm sure that has a small inkling to do with some of the problems some have had to experience when their "printing" problems happened and people had to wait overnight for visas like we did. Hope accreditation is right around the corner. You're still on my list.

Thats a great list, thanks for posting it. I'll be printing it for my trips. M-

This is a great resource for all adoptive parents. I find myself checking this list often on the web to reassure myself that she is attaching to me. I'm rather neurotic about it. Thankfully out of 27, only 3 or 4 items concern me.

I am glad to see the list... I wish it were posted more often and with the highlights you offered. Such a good reference point. P had pretty much every one of those and some (even more troubling) not listed there. She continues to struggle to attach in her new home.
We continue to follow her progress and pray for her future. Her new family is very patient and has lots of good support and therapies.
I do not think PAP's realize the stress that attachment issues can cause within a family. A very good book on this subject is "An Unlit Path" by Deborah Hannah. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1600344852/103-6394096-9033411