Russian Adoption DVA

Residual Orphanage Effects Five Years Later ???

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I don't know. I'm puzzling it over in my mind. Of course, hubby thinks I'm silly to even think it. But I don't know. What's got me thinking this, you ask?

Tuesday at playground time, D fell on the monkey bars and whacked her mouth - hard. The left lateral incisor (next door to the big front tooth) had been just a tiny bit wiggly, but it was knocked out (just hanging by a string she says, so she pulled it out) and her two front teeth, yes, that would be her two brand new big girl front teeth were chipped. We didn't at first realize they were chipped because they are actually still a little wonky looking as they're still growing in.

So, what has this got to do with residual orphanage effects five years later??

She didn't tell anyone.

She just handled it herself. She says she cried real hard and started to go tell the teacher but she decided she could handle it herself. So she just went over and sat on the swing and pulled the tooth out herself. Of course she didn't realize she had chipped the two front teeth as well. After playground time was over, she went to the Sub and told her she had pulled her tooth and needed to go to the nurse.

Now there could be many explanations for this, but I just keep going back to her first year of life, living in an orphanage where even if she did cry, no-one came. It took us months and months before she would cry if she fell down or got hurt. She's just tough - she has always been. I DO think it all goes back to her first year of life.

Another thing is that her regular teacher, who she loves, was not there that afternoon. Maybe she would have told her, someone she knows and trusts. I don't know. She didn't tell the nurse either, just said that she pulled her tooth at playground time and needed a tooth necklace to hold it in (if they lose a tooth at school they get a special necklace to carry it home in so they don't misplace it). It's a very big deal and a little celebrity comes with being a tooth necklace wearer in Kindergarten.

Yesterday morning I called her Dentist and they said come at 1 p.m. so we took D out of school right before lunch because her Pediatric Dentist is an hour away from where we live here in Podunk, and she would need to eat lunch and brush her teeth before we left. D didn't know she was going to be going to the Dentist and her teacher was surprised when the office called for her to send D because she was leaving early.

Her teacher just called me, she didn't even know all this happened. D never told her what had happened and I guess the Playground monitor teacher didn't think it was any big deal, although she had told D's teacher that D went to the nurse for a tooth necklace because she pulled her own tooth at playground time. I had written a longish letter this morning instead of the regular note covering absence. I explained what had happened in the letter. So, D's teacher called a bit ago very surprised that all of this happened.

Hubby and I have both talked to D and told her to always tell a teacher if she is hurt while at school. Especially if there is blood! Her teacher said that she will talk to her about it too. She felt really bad that she had no idea all this had happened, but I explained a bit about D's pain threshold and that I also thought it goes back to that first year of her life in the orphanage.

So, who knows if we're still dealing with that or if it is just D's personality.

Written at 10:47 AM by Suz.

8 comments

8 Comments:

Allison said...

This is such a tough one. I feel the same way when my kids do something that seems a bit off to me. I think to myself is this just toddler behavior or the impact of living in an institution. True they were only 7 months when we met them and 9 when we got home but I still wonder. I think I always will. All we can do is love and support our children and be prepared to get them help if they need it. But isn't this what any parent would do?

My husband thinks I over analyze things too.

12:34 PM

U.N. Mama said...

There are many times I believe this can certainly be true. You know my daughter was in the orphanage 2 years, 7 months, so a bit longer than D was, but yes... I don't doubt there's a lot of truth to this.

1:13 PM

Maggie said...

I think deciphering what is just a personality trait and what is a residual effect of orphanage life is pretty difficult. But it's entirely possible that it's a carry-over.

6:14 PM

Kim said...

I agree with what you're saying - we have the same thing around here. I hear "mama, I'm fine, I'm fine" when my son gets hurt (in the midst of tears). It's the "I can handle this myself" attitude which he has had since he has come home. He's been home for about 3 years and he's 4 now. Of course, it doesn't stop us from doing all we can to help make it better anyway!

6:33 PM

Mrs. Broccoli Guy said...

Wow. I can not imagine one of my kids doing that. Even my daughter R (who was in an orphanage for the first 7 months) is pretty tough but she loves to get band aids so I don't think she'd handle it on her own. I think you're right, it is residual affects, and also not feeling like there was a close/safe person to tell.

7:29 PM

jessy said...

Hmm. I think it is probably a combination. Sometimes I think I am hyper-vigilant for the whole residual orphanage bit. Marina has an incredibly high tolerance for pain, which I think without a doubt is related to being in an institution. Last month, K accidently shut her hand in the van door. I mean the door was latched!! And we didn't even realize it for a few seconds, because all she did was softly whimper.
I was also a substitute teacher for five years. Kindergartners are very uneasy with a substitute. They want TEACHER, and they don't much care for being offered a dummy in her place. I had a kid once try to cover a broken arm and another time a little girl asked me for a drink of water and I noticed how flushed she was. She had a 103 fever! The teacher couldn't believe it when she returned, because this litte girl was the chief whiner of the class. So, you just never know.

9:13 AM

Laura said...

Wow Suz,
I really feel it is D's personality. I was the same way when I was younger, and still am today, to a point. When I get hurt, or got hurt as a kid, I used to try an hide it. I was always a little shy and didn't like to be the center of attention, so for me, it was easier not to say anything. My son isn't anything like that. And Tiger already cries if she is hurt. My guess is that it is her personality.
Hope she is ok!
hugs,
Laura

1:27 PM

Robin said...

I think it is both - personality and first year of life. I believe our personalities are shaped by our experiences. She has been shaped by what she experienced, and will continue to be molded.

Hope her teeth are ok!!!

9:06 AM