Confessions of a Waiter
Thursday, July 12, 2007
There is a recent thread on FRUA started by Sarah H. which is titled, "Adoption Excitement is Drooping After this Long Wait."

I know a thing or two about waiting a long time. It is not possible to keep the adrenaline filled excitement that comes in the early days. With D's adoption, we kept the excitiment pretty much the whole way through but it went relatively smoothly and quickly if you don't count the three weeks following 9/11 when we were afraid we would never be allowed to see her again!

If anyone would have told me going in that we would have this long wait AFTER meeting our daughter I would have unequivocally told them I could never withstand it. Never.

But we went forward with faith and we'll continue the race for our daughter until the end. Every day passes by and we're one day closer to her. The days themselves are sometimes slow, but when I look back over the last 16 months, they have really zoomed by. I wish they would have done their zooming with V at home, but that's not the way it has worked out. I could spend all my time asking God, "Why??" but it does me no good. So I just venture there every once in a while.

We have a little cluster of pictures of V on the refrigerator "gallery." One picture is of her at the first trip when she was 13 months old, one of our visit trip when she was 20 months old and the latest picture that I accidentally found on the databank site. In the middle of the cluster is a magnet that Debbie sent me that says, "Never, never, never give up." A quote by Winston Churchill. When I look at her little face in the latest picture it seems as if she's saying, "I'm ok Mommy, afterall I don't know any other home than this." Sometimes I just look at her and say, "Ya Ne Pa Ne My oo", I do not understand - but still she smiles on.

When I heard that the group of agencies had received their accreditations last week, I was happy for those families and the children who will be allowed to come home. I was happy to know that it was finally happening and that the term is non-expiring. But I didn't feel the super excitement, gooseflesh that I expected to feel. I have to admit that mixed in there were some major feelings of, "why not us!"

When I heard yesterday that a second batch is nearing completion I became a little more excited because we're getting closer and closer. We know our agency will not be in this second batch either. I am hoping, wishing, and praying that we'll hear good news by my birthday, August 15. Even if it is just a rumble of rumor that we're getting close!

The only things left to update our new dossier are certified copies of our Marriage Certificate and updated medicals. We can't do the medicals until we know it's "imminent" because they expire every 3 months. So hopefully I can make those appointments mid-August.

I saw a program on television that was talking about how 2007 is the year of completion and oh how I pray that it is right.

I've talked before about how I go through periods of numbness, periods of despair and periods of urgency throughout the wait. I think it is only natural to go through these phases. The best thing (and sometimes the worst) I've found is the blogger community who really understand where we're at. Our familes cannot fully understand and not even our casemanager can fully understand, but parents who are going through the same thing that we are CAN understand. As far as I know there are very few families JUST like us who have met their child and are waiting and waiting over a year to go back and bring them home. I thank God for that. It is not something I would wish on anyone. But through it all I hope that I've grown as a person, and spiritually. We may never understand God's plan in this or why He allowed this to happen, but in the end it will be a Glory Hallelujah Day when V is finally home.
Blogger Debbie said...
I'm in tears. Such a heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing your feelings on the wait.
I have the same magnet for us as well. It is posted on our slowly growing financial goal scrapbook page on our fridge. It's a great reminder that there is an end to this waiting.
You sound more determined then you have in a long time to see your girl home. I can't wait to receive a Christmas Card this year from you with a picture of your family of 4.
Glad you're starting to get that excited feel again. And I pray that this will be the last one you'll have to have. (what I mean is that V will be home so you won't have to get those happy feelings when news is imminent ever again)

Blogger Elle said...
She is coming. Hang on to that.

You have officially passed me in wait time now. Between the two boys we had 14 months. My heart truly goes out to you Suz.

Blogger Lisa said...
Your wait has certainly been longer and different than mine, but I've been right there on the emotional roller coaster with you. I'm excited beyond words that things are starting to move and hope and pray that we all get good news soon.

Blogger kaymommy said...
The adoption Roller Coaster is no fun is it? Especially when we don't see the end of the ride just yet. If they installed this ride at SeaWorld I don't think there would be too many takers, huh?! :) But we are right where God has led us and He is at the controls so we continue on. ...I'm just glad I got to sit by you!

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