A little better
Friday, July 27, 2007
Every day is getting a little easier. I am so grateful for all the sweet things you all have had to say and for being so understanding and supportive. We've been overwhelmed with the amount of love and prayers by so many in real life and online friends and fellow adoptive parents.

I wish so much that this would never happen to anyone. I agree with you all that it is the death of a dream.

It's just hard, because that room at the end of the hall has been Viktoria's room for nearly 18 months. What do we call it now? It's not even "the baby's" room because we're still not sure what direction we will go.

Is God trying to tell us we are meant to be a family of three, that D is meant to be an only child? We have been so blessed with her. She is as close to perfect as any child could be. We love and cherish her so much. I've just always thought that being an only child would be so lonely. I've been so ready for her to have a playmate too. One good thing about Viktoria being older is that she could have come home ready to play since she would be nearly 3.

I'm feeling more hopeful in starts and stops. But going out into the "real world" is still unnatural feeling to me. D and had to go to the library and grocery shopping today and I felt as if I were in a twilight zone.

We'll get there. It'll just take time.

I'm not sure what I'll do about the blog. If I'll keep going on this one, or if I'll stop and keep it just for Viktoria.

I just want to thank you all again for being so great. I know that you all are bearing a piece of this pain for us in many different states and countries around the world. I had so hoped that it would be a different sort of sharing - a sharing of indescribable joy when we would have received that long awaited court date. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart, nonetheless.

"You, Oh Lord, are a shield around me, my glory,
and the one who lifts up my head."
Psalm 3:3
Blogger Michael and Carrie said...
I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this week has been for you all. I am praying for you and your family that God will give you His comfort and peace and that He will hold your hands through this terribly difficult time.

Blogger Elle said...
I'm glad it's getting a little better. Each day will be a little brighter, but you still won't ever forget. Vika will always be your little girl even though she never comes to live in your home. She will be in your heart forever.

The decision on where to go from here will take time too. Don't rush. Give yourself the time you need right now.

Blogger A Special Family said...
I was supposed to adopt my 2 foster children, up until the last minute...I well understand the pain.
Give yourself time to grieve, re-coup and decide what is right for you and D. Don't rush it, in the end you'll pray, reflect and come to the right decision but it has to be the decision that is right for you. Take time to fgure that out.
There is nothing wrong with V being in your hearts forever, mine will be and in many ways that is healing.
I hope that D is doing OK? Are there any special support groups in your area? So much for a child to deal with.
Praying for you every day.

Blogger Lisa said...
I've had to deal with that room a few times now... when J stopped coming for a few years, when each of my foster/adopt kids were returned to bio family and then again recently when M & K were awarded to a relative. Mostly I just close the door and ignore it until I'm ready. Dealing with it each time has been a little different, but it's always been one of the hardest things and one of the last I could manage. You'll know when you're ready. Until then, close the door.

Blogger Tricia said...
I've been thinking about you alot this week. I haven't been there so I don't feel comfortable offering any advice. Hang in there.

Blogger Rachael said...
I too can't offer any advice from experience, but just wanted you to know that I've thought a lot about you this week too. I've been following your story for a long time now, and was really looking forward to the happy long awaited reunion stories, so I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. I'm glad it's getting better for you, but I know it will be a long process. Just wanted you to know that I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts long term.

Blogger 6blessings said...
I'm still praying and will be.

Keep clinging to Him, dear sister. He will guide you.

Blogger Starfish said...
I am sure that in time your heart will tell you what direction you should go. Hang in there.

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